Strengthening Your Bond: How Couples Counseling Transformed Our Relationship

Steps We Take To Recalibrate

Hi! Dana here 😚 It’s important for me to share deeply personal experiences and tools that helped me in my life because that’s what I’m all about: finding your inner peace deep within. This is done, I believe, by excavating your old gunk to make space for serenity. It might be scary, but it’s worth it. The peace and calm that come post-excavation are worth it. So, I’m sharing these deeper insights with you because, especially for our chillzillas preparing for one of the most significant days of their lives, it's crucial to remember that the wedding is just the beginning of a lifelong partnership.

Investing in your relationship's health and well-being is just as important as planning your perfect day.

Our Journey with Couples Counseling

My husband and I completed five couples therapy sessions, and the experience was so enlightening we only needed a few sessions. See? Therapy isn’t so hard 😉 Yeah, right! Those were some juicy, full-on, hardcore sessions. But BOOM! Now, we have some tools to support our relationship. During these sessions, we delved into the Gottman techniques, which focus on nurturing healthy communication, mutual respect, and understanding within relationships, which has been incredibly beneficial and strengthened our bond. I learned that it’s totally ok to take a break when you feel activated and come back together after your blood pressure levels out. Sidenote, also, just don’t come for us days before our cycle, lol. Now, my babe tracks my hormone levels with the couples sharing ability on the app: Lively. Have you heard of it?

Individual Therapy: A Path to Personal Growth

In addition to couples therapy, we each see individual therapists. I’ve been seeing my dance movement therapist, Tsofia Bar-el, since I was 23. That’s 15 years, y’all. If you know me, you know Tsofia! I’m so grateful I sought after trauma excavation (did I just come up with a new term?) and experienced the benefits of therapy at such a young age. This definitely shaped me into the adult that I am now (along with traveling and experiencing developing countries), and the reason for my capacity to support brides, friends, and clients at Circadian Business Consulting. It’s never too late to go to therapy, so go!

HOW TO: Mental Exercise That Helped Me Recalibrate + Set Boundaries

This summer, I discovered that many of my anxieties stemmed from external sources, particularly my husband's stress as he navigates his demanding PhD program. When I find myself absorbing the stress around me, I place them in a beautiful yacht and send them out to sea. You can imagine this in your mind as the person or create a tangible representation of the person’s stress and send it off to sea. Don’t confuse this with sweeping things under the rug and ignoring them. This exercise is simply for your peace of mind and to create an energetic boundary.

Voicing Your Needs

One of the most valuable lessons I learned was the importance of voicing my needs. With the support of therapy, I was able to take a step back, reclaim control over my emotions after utilizing my yacht mental exercise (above), and then communicate my needs. Even though he’s unintentionally passing on stress to me, I voiced, “I need you to self-regulate”. This made him realign and recalibrate. Once I released control over his experiences and trusted he could handle his own emotions and situations, I felt free.

Don't be afraid to voice your needs, even if it leads to conflict. Healthy conflict, when managed well, can be incredibly productive. Thanks to the Gottman method, our conflicts lead to growth and understanding rather than frustration and distance.

The Power of Trying

Of course, we're not perfect—no couple is. But what matters most is that we always try. We consciously try to apply what we've learned, communicate openly, and support each other through thick and thin. This commitment to trying, aka when people say “relationships are work,” has made all the difference in our relationship.

Your Relationship Matters

As you embark on your journey together, remember that a strong, healthy relationship is the foundation of a happy marriage. Consider investing in couples counseling to resolve conflicts and build a deeper understanding and connection with your partner.

Your wedding day will be magical, but your marriage will be the true masterpiece. Let's celebrate love, commitment, and the beauty of working together to create a fulfilling life.

With love and support,

Dana Lagomarsino